What did one Walkers cris …
What did one Walkers crisp say to another Walkers crisp? Nothing, they were in two separate packets.
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Two policemen, Tom and Ha …
Two policemen, Tom and Harry, are chasing an armed robber down the street. The robber jumps into a car and sets off. Tom pulls out his gun and fires off a few rounds, but the criminal gets away. Harry says, “Did you get the registration plate?” Tom replies, “Yeah, but I was aiming for his […]
Continue Readingwill say I’m SO sorry in …
will say I’m SO sorry in advance, but I had to……. Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in […]
Continue ReadingDon’t give that stupid fi …
Don’t give that stupid fire a way out! Block all the fire exits!
Continue ReadingT-Rex, the Jeremy Beadle …
T-Rex, the Jeremy Beadle of the dinosaur world.
Continue ReadingI never got over that day …
I never got over that day back in 1971 when my dad told me my favourite pet, a 3/8th of an inchipede was now called a centipede.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe I got sac …
I can’t believe I got sacked from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Continue ReadingSo my girlfriend said to …
So my girlfriend said to me ‘how come you always walk in front of me?’ I said ‘I’m sorry, I don’t follow you’.
Continue ReadingWe couldn’t get into the …
We couldn’t get into the changing rooms at the rugby club, so I picked a lock. He smashed the door down.
Continue ReadingThe sun was shining today …
The sun was shining today as me and my mate were walking to the pub. He said, “It looks great out today!” I said, “Cheers, I think I’ll keep it out”
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a plastic …
I’ve just seen a plastic surgeon. He almost looked real.
Continue ReadingI decided to buy “Hollywo …
I decided to buy “Hollywood Hostages”, a videogame in which you release background actors from captivity. I’m really good – I’ve already unlocked loads of extras.
Continue ReadingSaw a woman today who ope …
Saw a woman today who opened the door in her nightie. I thought, “That’s a funny place for a door.”
Continue ReadingMy motto is ‘Never explai …
My motto is ‘Never explain, Never apologize’ I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is.
Continue ReadingA Jew, a black man and an …
A Jew, a black man and an alcoholic walk into a bar. The bar tender says, “What’s this… a joke?” When he was beaten up and mugged he realised that it wasn’t a joke, it was a typical night out in Newcastle.
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