I’ve always looked up to …
I’ve always looked up to my parents. They’re giraffes.
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Preserve Nature, Pickle a …
Preserve Nature, Pickle a squirrel today.
Continue ReadingIsaac newton had an Apple …
Isaac newton had an Apple fall on his head and has been labeled a genius for the last 350 years. I shot a banana out my car window and it hit a black bloke on the head. 350 hours community service and a suspended sentence. How times have changed.
Continue ReadingI love pillows. They are …
I love pillows. They are fluffy, soft, and can be used to suffocate you.
Continue ReadingSince Christmas I have ma …
Since Christmas I have managed to lose 10 pounds. I think a fiver a month to Weight Watchers is fair enough for their advice.
Continue ReadingThere’s nothing worse tha …
There’s nothing worse than screaming kids on a packed bus. Everybody looks at you thinking, “Why is he screaming that?”
Continue ReadingIrony = “We’re making a s …
Irony = “We’re making a stand against mindless music by buying Rage Against the Machine like we were told to do.”
Continue ReadingCan you picture a world w …
Can you picture a world without impossible visualised situations?
Continue ReadingI bought “Supermarkets- …
I bought “Supermarkets- The videogame”. I was disappointed by the lack of Co-op
Continue ReadingNaked Vampires. They don’ …
Naked Vampires. They don’t like cloves.
Continue ReadingMy daughter confessed tha …
My daughter confessed that she had recently been sneaking out of the house at night to meet up with her friends. “It’s just so easy to sneak out,” she said jokingly, “you need to at least make it a challenge.” “Alright,” I said, playing along, “but only cause it’s you.” Then I hack-sawed her legs […]
Continue ReadingI find it utterly abhoran …
I find it utterly abhorant when quotations are attributed to the wrong person. It not only cheapens the the impact of the quote, but it takes something from us all as humans and leaves us poorer as a race of beings – Wayne Rooney.
Continue ReadingWhat kind of murderer has …
What kind of murderer has moral fibre? A cereal killer.
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to read …
I’ve been trying to read the Encyclopedia Britannica but keep getting thrown out of the library for shouting at the staff I can never find the right volume
Continue ReadingITN Reports: “Facebook ‘h …
ITN Reports: “Facebook ‘helps children’s writing skills” WTF? PMSL
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