What do you call a crocod …
What do you call a crocodile that cuts up cheese? An alligrater.
Continue ReadingHow did anyone notice the …
How did anyone notice the difference in Liverpool to tell there was rioting going on there?
Continue ReadingTwo pirates were chatting …
Two pirates were chatting to each other. The first pirate says, “I like your earrings – how much were they?” The second pirate says, “A couple of bucks.” The first pirate says, “Oh, they’re not bad for a buccaneer.”
Continue ReadingI met my archaeologist wi …
I met my archaeologist wife on an online dating site. It’s called carbondating.com
Continue ReadingIf those Monkeys at Londo …
If those Monkeys at London zoo had any sense they would have made a run for it over the last few nights, Be virtually impossible to track them down.
Continue ReadingPoor little Natsuki has t …
Poor little Natsuki has to walk five miles a day with a bucket of water on her head. Just five pounds a month would help pay for a bigger bucket to help bail her out.
Continue ReadingI always thought auctions …
I always thought auctions were really boring, but the one I went too today was really exciting. Granted, I was sat at the back of the room with a tazer.
Continue ReadingGot into a fight at the p …
Got into a fight at the pub last night. It all started when he hit me back.
Continue ReadingAren’t all cameras dispos …
Aren’t all cameras disposable?
Continue ReadingApprehended : The new App …
Apprehended : The new App that reminds you your hen is dead.
Continue ReadingAlthough Oxford professor …
Although Oxford professors can be distinguished, I find it hard to tell them apart.
Continue ReadingI think I know around 90% …
I think I know around 90% of the topics for my maths exam next week. Unfortunately, percentages aren’t one of them…
Continue ReadingI used to go out with a g …
I used to go out with a girl called Arial. I dumped her. She wasn’t my type.
Continue ReadingBBC news tells me: “Polic …
BBC news tells me: “Police appeal to murder suspect”. If he’s killed someone, the last thing I want to know is what bands he likes.
Continue ReadingMy dog drinks out of the …
My dog drinks out of the toilet, which makes me laugh – because I’m ticklish down there..
Continue Reading