I suppose when you’ve see …
I suppose when you’ve seen one lion catch an antelope, you’ve seen a maul.
Continue ReadingAll i did was pop to the …
All i did was pop to the shops for half an hour, but inadvertantly, discovered a great recipe for oven roasted dog.
Continue ReadingLate one Friday night a p …
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]
Continue ReadingSo there I was, watching …
So there I was, watching my wife stripping as quickly as she could, when I couldn’t help but wonder… If she isn’t careful she’s going to damage to plasterboard underneath the wallpaper.
Continue ReadingJust finished reading a b …
Just finished reading a book on the best way to fix down a carpet. It was gripping.
Continue ReadingSo a crab walks sideways …
So a crab walks sideways into a bar. Two hours later, it walks out straight.
Continue ReadingWhat did the confused Mag …
What did the confused Magnesium Oxide say? OMg
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend says I beha …
My girlfriend says I behave like a dog in our own house. Just because I leave the toilet-seat up after I’ve had a drink from it.
Continue ReadingMy Mum always said to me …
My Mum always said to me “It’s not about how many times you fall off the horse, it’s about how many times you get back on” Try telling that to Christopher Reeve.
Continue ReadingBy now, I think nearly ev …
By now, I think nearly everyone in the world knows who Harry Potter is… Unless they’re locked in a cupboard under some stairs.
Continue ReadingAdd The Queen as a Facebo …
Add The Queen as a Facebook friend by sticking a stamp to your computer screen.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got back from a …
I’ve just got back from a history exhibition at the Albert Hall, I found the whole thing a total disappointment… Hitlers ball was nowhere to be seen.
Continue Reading“Well Johnny,” said his f …
“Well Johnny,” said his father, “how did your first riding lesson go?” “Great Dad,” said Johnny. “I made friends with the horse and I even gave him a drink of water.” Dad smiled and said, “I think you are supposed to say you watered the horse.” “Am I?” said Johnny. “All right, I watered the […]
Continue ReadingBelieve it or not but Bob …
Believe it or not but Bob’s my uncle.
Continue ReadingWANTED: Suicide Bomber! S …
WANTED: Suicide Bomber! Salary: $100,000 for just one hour of work! Opportunities like this only come once in a lifetime!
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