‘Schools waste millions’. …
‘Schools waste millions’. It’s about time we had a population cull.
Continue ReadingHu is the president of Ch …
Hu is the president of China?
Continue Reading“Now, most dentist’s chai …
“Now, most dentist’s chairs go up and down, don’t they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought ‘This is unusual’. And the dentist said to me ‘Mr Smith, get out of the filing cabinet.’”
Continue ReadingIt must’ve been a good ni …
It must’ve been a good night… A poster that says “Say No To Crack” reminded me to pull up my knickers.
Continue ReadingWhen I tickle my imaginar …
When I tickle my imaginary friend, people think Im casting spells
Continue ReadingI just broke up with my g …
I just broke up with my girlfriend today. I couldn’t handle all the attention she got for being so hot. I had to put her out.
Continue ReadingThese maths based questio …
These maths based questions on Facebook are starting to get annoying. The order of BIDMAS is not up for debate. 5*5+5 does not equal 50 it equals 30 because a system has been set up to avoid this kind of confusion.
Continue ReadingObese birds who like both …
Obese birds who like both men and women are very insecure,by and large.
Continue ReadingI think I’m going to have …
I think I’m going to have to rename the hill walk I’ve organised on some land that I own, ‘Slipton Fell’ seems to be putting people off..
Continue ReadingGetting the milk out of t …
Getting the milk out of the carton with a spoon is extremely difficult… But I refuse to cut corners.
Continue ReadingI pledged a pound for cha …
I pledged a pound for charity earlier. They said it was the shiniest quid they’d ever seen.
Continue ReadingParents should dress thei …
Parents should dress their kids more sensibly for Halloween. It was too late to see, when I knocked over this lad dressed as the grim reaper. I managed to drag his crumpled body in front of the fire and rang the emergency services.. ‘What’s he looking like?’ asked the switchboard … ‘I’m no expert but […]
Continue ReadingI was trying to post a jo …
I was trying to post a joke about Neon. I couldn’t think of Ne…
Continue ReadingI was arrested for runnin …
I was arrested for running an illegal alcohol shop the other day, but they had to let me go due to lack of proof.
Continue ReadingWhy do the taliban have t …
Why do the taliban have to make a song and dance out of everything?
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