Some guy on the High Stre …
Some guy on the High Street asked me if I wanted to sponsor an endangered tiger yesterday. “Sounds interesting,” I said, “what will it be doing to earn my money? Running a marathon, bungee jumping?”
Continue ReadingTook a week off of work f …
Took a week off of work for some reflection. Basically it’s me dressing like a girl and chatting myself up in the mirror.
Continue ReadingI’m not part of the cliqu …
I’m not part of the clique at my local ‘stunt club’. They always leave me out of the loop.
Continue ReadingI spent most of my youth …
I spent most of my youth kissing frogs at the pond. Imagine my dismay when one turned into a princess and ruined the fun.
Continue ReadingThose wall mounted hand d …
Those wall mounted hand dryers are really impressive. I dried my hands with one at a nightclub on Friday. I think they’re almost dry.
Continue ReadingMy Grandfather was decora …
My Grandfather was decorated for bravery in the war. It took him weeks to get the last bits of wallpaper off.
Continue ReadingI can’t understand my bos …
I can’t understand my boss sometimes.The more I call in sick the more he seems to dislike me. I thought absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Continue ReadingMan goes into library & a …
Man goes into library & asks if they have any books on numbers. The librarian says, “One or two”
Continue ReadingIf the temperature is zer …
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? 16F… or 546K
Continue ReadingWhat’s the fastest animal …
What’s the fastest animal alive? An Ethiopian chicken.
Continue ReadingMy mate William is lookin …
My mate William is looking for a house share but hasn’t really had any luck. All the ones he’s seen so far say ‘No Bills’.
Continue ReadingOn Monday, Jimmy drove to …
On Monday, Jimmy drove too fast and should have paid a fine. On Tuesday, Jimmy parked upon a double yellow line. On Wednesday, Jimmy drove through traffic lights while they were red, On Thursday, Jimmy signalled left but then turned right instead. On Friday, he drove up a street you only should drive down. On […]
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS: Police to give …
BBC NEWS: Police to give bikes to ex-offenders. Won’t this just make the cycle of crime worse?
Continue ReadingI’d just like to say that …
I’d just like to say that I think wife-beaters are disgusting. Why can’t you put a shirt or something over it, smarten up a bit?
Continue ReadingMy mate has finally convi …
My mate has finally convinced me to go to Ju-Jitsu with him. He twisted my arm.
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