It was my 61st birthday t …
It was my 61st birthday today and my kids were saying I was old and useless. Whereas I think I’ve just reached my prime
Continue ReadingI was licking out my girl …
I was licking out my girlfriend the other night when i suddenly thought “hmm.. tastes like mums”
Continue ReadingI got sent packing after …
I got sent packing after 5 minutes at my new job as a pet manicurist. They seemed upset that I had brought my own claw hammer with me.
Continue ReadingI was sat on a busy train …
I was sat on a busy train with my satchel on the seat next to me. An old woman approached and said sarcastically, “Your bag must be exhausted”. “Sorry” I replied. “I’ll move it”. So I turned to my pregnant wife standing nearby and suggested she check the next carriage.
Continue ReadingAre all librarians really …
Are all librarians really so offensive?
Continue ReadingEver since I misplaced my …
Ever since I misplaced my dictionary, I’ve been at a loss for words.
Continue ReadingLock up your daughters, I …
Lock up your daughters, I have a “Rescuing the princess from her tower prison” fetish.
Continue ReadingI went to a Chinese resta …
I went to a Chinese restaurant and ordered a meal. Ten minutes later this duck waddles up to me,gives me a single red rose and says, “Your lips are like rubies and your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I called the waiter over and said “Excuse me. I ordered aromatic duck”.
Continue ReadingIn hot jokes today by fyf …
In hot jokes today by fyffes; Sickipedians, Patiently awaiting the next celebrity death since March 2009. In light of the sudden death of Danny La Rue I would like to update everyone; Sickipedians, patiently awaiting the next celebrity death since March 2009.
Continue ReadingSPOILER ALERT.. There’s a …
SPOILER ALERT.. There’s a Ford Escort RS Turbo in front of me!
Continue ReadingGoogle+ is like a gym mem …
Google+ is like a gym membership. Everyone signs up for it but never uses it
Continue ReadingIt’s not my fault I blame …
It’s not my fault I blame everyone else for my mistakes
Continue ReadingOut of respect, I decided …
Out of respect, I decided to watch a women’s football match and treat it just like any other game of football – which is all they’re asking for really. So there I was in a quiet stadium when I thought I’d help lift the atmosphere. “Come on ladies, speed it up a bit!” “Oh, so […]
Continue ReadingToday I heard on the news …
Today I heard on the news that there was a spillage of syrup on the motorway. It makes a change from the usual jams.
Continue ReadingI went to the zoo recentl …
I went to the zoo recently. I think it’s about time someone told the meerkats that everything’s fine.
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