Just been on google and s …
Just been on google and searched ‘free heroin.’ Got a few hits.
Continue ReadingI had my hair done by the …
I had my hair done by the Grim Reaper…. Glad I survived that brush with death.
Continue ReadingThere I was, racking my b …
There I was, racking my brains when the Manager came over and said, “Oi! You’re getting Cerebrospinal fluid all over my pool table!”
Continue ReadingI secretly think that peo …
I secretly think that people in wheelchairs are transformers that broke half way through transformation.
Continue ReadingWhen I went to the record …
When I went to the records office to record our sons name I still had my wife’s final words ringing in my ears. ” make sure it’s memorable unusual and not kevin.” KJ58CDS wasn’t what she was expecting but at least our number plate is now a personalised.
Continue ReadingI had the right to remain …
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability.
Continue ReadingGive a man a fish and you …
Give a man a fish and you’ve fed him for a day. But teach a man to wear a fishnet stocking for a mask and hold up a bank and you’ve taken care of him for life, one way or another.
Continue Reading“I had a mate whose nickn …
“I had a mate whose nickname was Dekker” I said to my wife “Was his real name Derek then?” She asked “No, his name was Mick” I replied, “We called him Dekker because he used to hit women”
Continue ReadingGot into a fight with a s …
Got into a fight with a sea creature who I thought was my friend. Turns out he was anemone.
Continue ReadingI wouldn’t say that Bradl …
I wouldn’t say that Bradley Wiggins has an unhealthy obsession with cycling. I just think he’s Bike-curious
Continue ReadingI decided to return some …
I decided to return some swimming shorts today… They must be broken, they only floated when I put them in some water.
Continue ReadingA double glazing salesman …
A double glazing salesman knocked at the door today. He promised me an excellent deal……but I could see right through him!
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen Susan Boyl …
I’ve just seen Susan Boyle singing on “Sport Relief”. Singing isn’t very sporty is it? Surely more people would pay up to see her try the Hurdles or something?
Continue ReadingI decided it was time to …
I decided it was time to tell my 8 year old son he’s adopted. The wife didn’t approve, but I can’t resist a good prank.
Continue ReadingI would love to be minted …
I would love to be minted, that way I would always have fresh breath
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