I was watching ‘Deal Or N …
I was watching ‘Deal Or No Deal’ and I was thinking how amazing it was that one box can change so many peoples lives for the better. Then I finished wrapping the nail bomb for my wifes Christmas present.
Continue ReadingWhy do fitness instructor …
Why do fitness instructors avoid going out clubbing? Because most clubs have a No Trainers policy.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought one of t …
I’ve just bought one of those new hands free kits. Also known as a saw.
Continue ReadingMy family frown upon my L …
My family frown upon my L.S.D. addiction but I walk around holding my head, high.
Continue ReadingA Facebook status is like …
A Facebook status is like a marriage, you hope yours will do well but when it doesn’t you get rid of it
Continue ReadingA unicorn and a cyclops.. …
A unicorn and a cyclops… Now that’s and accident waiting to happen.
Continue ReadingI once had a clock shop b …
I once had a clock shop but it ended up going out of business. I gave too much tick and was eventually wound up.
Continue ReadingHow do you know if a poli …
How do you know if a police horse is lame. Its hooves go Good Clop, Bad Clop.
Continue ReadingRoses are red, violets ar …
Roses are red, violets are blue, what I thought to be Vaseline turned out to be glue
Continue ReadingThought I saw a ghost yes …
Thought I saw a ghost yesterday. Then I realised that there are still one or two white people still living in Brixton.
Continue ReadingI was doing a crossword e …
I was doing a crossword earlier… 7 ACROSS – ‘Not very manageable’ CH_L_ENGING It wasn’t difficult.
Continue ReadingI really put myself on th …
I really put myself on the map at work yesterday. I never was serious enough to be a cartographer.
Continue ReadingLast night my Amish mate …
Last night my Amish mate went,”My back is killing me,do you have any advice?” I went,”Mate you made your own bed,you sleep in it.”
Continue ReadingI was in the middle of ro …
I was in the middle of robbing a bank when suddenly my body did a series of synchronous diaphragmatic flutters. So that was a bit of a hiccup.
Continue ReadingThe drought prevention wa …
The drought prevention wardens said they’d had an anonymous tip-off that I’d got a sprinkler. I said yes, you would too if you had prostate cancer.
Continue Reading