First day working as a pi …
First day working as a pilot today. Got off to a flier.
Continue ReadingSome people have a way wi …
Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
Continue ReadingDon’t fancy the new gastr …
Don’t fancy the new gastro pub that’s just opened near us. Think the name, “Entiritis” is putting me off.
Continue ReadingI chew through packets of …
I chew through packets of bubblegum.
Continue ReadingI’m a year 4 science teac …
I’m a year 4 science teacher and this morning I asked my pupils how to distinguish the difference between a diode and an anode, and the process in which they were used. Then I realised it was pointless asking them; eyes can’t talk.
Continue ReadingThere’s a valuable lesson …
There’s a valuable lesson to be learnt from Sickipedia: There’s an upside to everything in life.
Continue ReadingI’ve always wondered why …
I’ve always wondered why Vietnam needs so many vets and why they all live in the US?
Continue ReadingI have a spring in my ste …
I have a spring in my step. It’s like a launch pad for Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Continue ReadingI was genuinely consideri …
I was genuinely considering adopting an African kid the other day, before I remembered… I hate goats
Continue ReadingSince winning the lottery …
Since winning the lottery,the amount of people I have caught swimming across my moat at my castle to try and come and ask me for money has been unbelievable. I cant believe the lengths some people will go to.
Continue ReadingWhat is the most powerful …
What is the most powerful anti-depressant available? Divorce.
Continue ReadingI remember my first date …
I remember my first date with my wife, we went to the airport. Then things just sort of took off from there.
Continue ReadingI was in Tesco earlier an …
I was in Tesco earlier and the cashier said she felt like a zombie. Better safe than sorry I thought, so I stabbed her in the eye with a pen.
Continue ReadingMy friend said to me ‘I c …
My friend said to me ‘I caught a rabbit with a snare yesterday’ I though ‘Maybe he’s part of a band’
Continue ReadingPenn and Teller are like …
Penn and Teller are like a married couple. Only one of them gets to talk.
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