I buy all my furniture an …
I buy all my furniture and bathroom fittings from the local Chinese restaurant. Today I ordered a suite and shower.
Continue ReadingThe Mississippi was tease …
The Mississippi was teased a lot in River School. All the other rivers would point and call it “Four I’s”.
Continue ReadingPlease knock firmly, I lo …
Please knock firmly, I love firm knockers.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t believe it whe …
I couldn’t believe it when I was sacked from my job as a crossword designer for being illiterate. Words fail me.
Continue Reading“We’re no strangers to lo …
“We’re no strangers to love. You know the rules, and so do I” Actually Rick, I don’t. Maybe if you made your song more widely available…
Continue ReadingA police officer pulled m …
A police officer pulled me for speeding today. Not sure why, but he’s taking me out to dinner tomorrow night.
Continue ReadingHad some health and safte …
Had some health and saftey training the other day, they told me to always lift with my knees. After 3 hours I discovered it’s so much easier with your hands.
Continue ReadingMy computer asked me if I …
My computer asked me if I wanted it to remember the recent web pages I’d visited. I thought, “What’s the cache?”
Continue ReadingBeen looking around town …
Been looking around town to get a spiderman costume. No luck so gonna try the web.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend and I ended …
My girlfriend and I ended up having the mother of all breakups last night, the underlying message being that my “sense of direction was causing huge problems in the relationship”. Eventually, tired and frustrated, I stood up, packed my things and right.
Continue ReadingI was recently sentenced …
I was recently sentenced to death. The judge’s verdict was that I am to be hung by the end of the week. The tension’s killing me.
Continue ReadingI went to the doctors tod …
I went to the doctors today and as he looked at my file, he slowly looked up and said “well Mr Perry, the way the cookie crumbles is exactly the way your bones are, you have osteoporosis” It was at that point I broke down.
Continue ReadingWho does Frank talk to wh …
Who does Frank talk to when he has a drug problem?
Continue ReadingMuhammed Ali, he shakes l …
Muhammed Ali, he shakes like a vibrator and spills all his tea.
Continue ReadingMe and my mates have just …
Me and my mates have just been bowling at the UK’s largest bowling alley. The channel tunnel train network was thrown in to chaos.
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