I’m starting to find it quite frustrating and very patronising after smoking for 10 years, that whenever i go to the shop and buy a new cigarette lighter, the person behind the counter always insist on showing me how to use it.
Continue ReadingI was laying down earlier and I thought to myself, ‘Laminate flooring is much easier than duck feathers!’
Continue ReadingThe reason women love vampires so much, is because they are the only men who will lick them out during their periods
Continue ReadingI just saw a sign in Specsavers, ‘70% off Frames’ Surely the lenses would fall out.
Continue ReadingYour wife is like Communism, everybody gets a share.
Continue ReadingWindow popped up saying: ‘Adobe reader is insecure….’ WTF does it want ……. a cuddle?
Continue ReadingI love the way children look when they’re asleep. Vulnerable.
Continue ReadingWhenever I visit America I always wear short sleeves. Not because it’s warm, but it is my right to bare arms.
Continue ReadingI bought my dog a new ‘anti-ageing’ dog lead. He’s got a new leash of life.
Continue ReadingSome guy just hit me over the head with a device for limiting sound waves. I was baffled.
Continue ReadingNot to be unseamly, but my underwear just fell apart.
Continue ReadingA random man came up to me the other day and threw a handful of lego at me! I really don’t know what to make of this ?
Continue Reading”Safety first” is a great phrase because it follows its own advice.
Continue ReadingYou know how you doodle art in your books at school…. I wonder if art students doodle maths equations on their drawings?
Continue ReadingDoctor tell’s me I’ve got Puzzle Disease. Apparently I’m riddled with it.
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