What’s a Quark? The noise …
What’s a Quark? The noise a posh duck makes.
Continue ReadingThe Internet: Preventing …
The Internet: Preventing wet dreams since 1994.
Continue ReadingI think animal testing is …
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Continue Reading‘Animals Do The Funniest …
‘Animals Do The Funniest Things’ sent my video back with a note asking me to seek help.
Continue ReadingBlowing his whistle, the …
Blowing his whistle, the Lifeguard sprinted towards me screaming, ‘No running or shouting by the pool!’ I hope the irony isn’t lost on him.
Continue ReadingAdvantages of working in …
Advantages of working in a bakery: – the delicious atmosphere – never going hungry – finding that hand-kneading dough is a good way to clean your fingernails.
Continue ReadingI think it goes without s …
I think it goes without saying…
Continue ReadingOur local Superdry store …
Our local Superdry store has had to close. The mains waterpipe burst.
Continue ReadingSelf is a word in itself. …
Self is a word in itself.
Continue ReadingI was such an ugly kid. W …
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
Continue Readingpower walking looks a lot …
power walking looks a lot like people who have taken too many laxatives,and just realised they ain’t gonna make it home in time!
Continue ReadingMy boss came up to me tod …
My boss came up to me today and said, “We’ve got a problem with this customer’s order”. I said, “Ok, what should I do?” My boss said, “You need to send him a message”. So I found the guy and put a horse’s head in his bed.
Continue ReadingI got into an argument wi …
I got into an argument with a bloke in a bar. I pulled a knife. He chatted up the fork.
Continue ReadingSo a copper pulled me ove …
So a copper pulled me over the other day, he said to me ‘your tail lights out, thats an on the spot fine mate’ i said ‘hang on, i can fix that’ so i gave the light a kick and it suddenly started working, ‘will that be all officer’ i sarcarstically grinned, he said ‘now […]
Continue ReadingMy mate told me there’s n …
My mate told me there’s no such thing as talking money. I said “I’ve got twenty quid that says there is”
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