I asked the bloke at the …
I asked the bloke at the garage how much I owed him for a new tyre he fitted for me today. He said, “Just give me a score mate”. So I replied, “Man Utd won 3-0 at the weekend”. And drove off.
Continue ReadingOur opening performance o …
Our opening performance of The Wind in The Willows had to be cancelled. The lead actor was caught illegally parked so he couldn’t make it. He was towed.
Continue ReadingTom Cruise: taking the ar …
Tom Cruise: taking the art out of being a ‘bartender’ since 1988
Continue ReadingBit disappointed that my …
Bit disappointed that my Amish online dating site hasn’t taken off yet.
Continue ReadingI’m gonna give my psychia …
I’m gonna give my psychiatrist a piece of my mind.
Continue ReadingA Baptist missionary in A …
A Baptist missionary in Africa was just walking when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. “Oh Lord,” prayed the missionary, “Grant in thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion.” In the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: “Oh Lord,” he prayed, […]
Continue ReadingRobin Hood lay dying, and …
Robin Hood lay dying, and all the faithful gathered round. With his weak and fading breath, Robin asked Marion to bring him the best arrow from the quiver beside his bed, and then asked Little John to bring him his bow. He put the arrow to the bow and aimed through the open window into […]
Continue ReadingMobile Internet…. Alowi …
Mobile Internet…. Alowing me to beat one off in Public toilets since my upgrade in Dec 2008
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend had a real …
My girlfriend had a real go at me on a boat, so much so in fact that she went overboard.
Continue ReadingI was at the snooker club …
I was at the snooker club earlier, was playing a game until i put my self in an awkward position for a tough brown. Unfortunately i got kicked out the club before i could start wiping.
Continue ReadingI’m doing some homework o …
I’m doing some homework on Mexico and I just got a paper cut. I’ll get you back essay.
Continue ReadingI took my wife of 12 year …
I took my wife of 12 years to the beach last week for a nice stroll along the sea front. As we parked, she smiled at me and said, ‘I’m so glad you’ve grown up at last and realized what’s important in life. You’ve changed darling.’ I just squeezed her hand, smiled back, then kissed […]
Continue ReadingDoes this spell the final …
Does this spell the final chapter for Borders?
Continue ReadingWhat’s black and unmistak …
What’s black and unmistakably round? .
Continue ReadingI see, therefore i am…n …
I see, therefore i am…not blind
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