My mates say I’d chase an …
My mates say I’d chase anything wearing a skirt. Not true, I sometimes wear leggings.
Continue ReadingSo I was getting into my …
So I was getting into my car and this bloke said to me, “Can you give me a lift?” I said, “Sure… You look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it!”
Continue ReadingI went on a training cour …
I went on a training course to be a butcher, but I just couldn’t cut it.
Continue ReadingI got a phone call from t …
I got a phone call from the hospital today. “Dad, you better come down here quick,” my son cried. “Mum’s going to die.” “Oh no,” I panicked. “Who’s going to look after you?”
Continue ReadingPolice were called to a d …
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Continue Readingdid you hear about the bl …
did you hear about the blind skunk ….. it fell in love with a fart
Continue ReadingI bought a book to help m …
I bought a book to help me overcome my shyness and it really works. Now I can talk to people while hiding behind it.
Continue ReadingI’ve just renamed my WiFi …
I’ve just renamed my WiFi network to “Police Surveillance Van #02”. That should keep my pikey neighbours on their toes for a while.
Continue ReadingI broke the lift in work …
I broke the lift in work this morning by punching the control panel an hard as I could. It was bang, out of order.
Continue ReadingCould 7/7 have been avoid …
Could 7/7 have been avoided? Only with rather severe reforms of the calendar.
Continue ReadingI’ve had a new phone and …
I’ve had a new phone and lost my contacts. The phones quite good but I cant see a thing.
Continue ReadingI always hate the risk of …
I always hate the risk of coming on to one of your best friends. You never know if it’s going to work out or just end up awkward between you and inevitably ruin the friendship. That’s why it’s such a special moment when they tell you you’re like a brother to them, because then you […]
Continue ReadingI hope my wife doesn’t mi …
I hope my wife doesn’t mind my new foreplay technique… Fingers crossed
Continue ReadingI watched some bukakke ye …
I watched some bukakke yesterday and I could tell it was the girl’s first time. She was very wet behind the ears.
Continue ReadingI was having Italian last …
I was having Italian last night when the waitress came over and asked if I wanted a spoon for my spaghetti… I negotiated and in the end got a hand job for my bread basket.
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