Thought i’d teach my kids …
Thought i’d teach my kids how to overcome their fear of heights today, so I dropped them off their school.
Continue ReadingIf the pun is the flagshi …
If the pun is the flagship of English humour, then innuendo is the seamen all over it.
Continue ReadingGot fingered by two kids …
Got fingered by two kids today for a change. Pity it was in a police lineup.
Continue ReadingI was in the boxing ring …
I was in the boxing ring and I was doing very bad. The referee came up to me and said, “Are you ready for your next match?” I replied, “Just a bout.”
Continue ReadingLittle Chef: Because long …
Little Chef: Because long journeys just aren’t exciting enough without diarrhoea
Continue ReadingI’ve just failed my end o …
I’ve just failed my end of term art exam… Q, If Jamal has blue paint and mixes it with your yellow paint, what does he get? Apparently ‘A punch’ is not the correct answer.
Continue ReadingThe mother-in-law meant w …
The mother-in-law meant well by spending a tenner having her face put on this horrible drinking vessel but we’ve kept it from the kids. It really is an ugly looking mug.
Continue ReadingBritish Airways staff are …
British Airways staff are being asked to work for a month without pay. Have you seen those air stewardesses? Max Factor will go bankrupt. You thought that air stewardess hated you before? You can kiss that cushion goodbye. You’d be as well taking a pot noodle on flights. At least for that month the only […]
Continue ReadingYesterday I had to leave …
Yesterday I had to leave the bookies in my local town after a group of mental patients walked in. I just didn’t like the odds.
Continue ReadingMy Native American mate i …
My Native American mate is struggling to grow proper facial hair. He has Apache beard.
Continue ReadingAs the rollercoaster bega …
As the rollercoaster began to climb, my girlfriend said, “When we go over the top, you have to put your hands in the air and go weeee”. The people behind us got more than they bargained for.
Continue ReadingThe Modern day irony: The …
The Modern day irony: The “My Music” & “My Videos” folders on your PC contain none of ‘your’ music or videos.
Continue ReadingI’ve got three children, …
I’ve got three children, one of each. A boy, a girl and an 800-metre sprinter.
Continue ReadingMy son has fists of steel …
My son has fists of steel and he’s subject to intense testing for the rest of his life.
Continue ReadingTo protest against change …
To protest against changes to higher education, Students in England are staging a national day of action. They’re actually going to get out of bed and go to lectures.
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