When my older brother and I were little we were always playing Robin Hood. Only thing was, he was always Robin Hood and I had to be Little John. After a while I got sick of this and told him I wasn’t playing any more. “Ok” he said. “We’ll play a different game and you […]
Continue ReadingI went to a Fortune Teller last night. She told me I had an honest face. I wonder who she thinks nicked her handbag?
Continue ReadingI was taking the motorway out of London the other day. A policeman pulled me over and said: ‘Put it back’.
Continue ReadingHonestly , you can tell when you have your priorities wrong and no life. You dread the day “Database Latency” and ” Youtube is down for maintenance” happen together.
Continue ReadingI like to pull over in my car, wind down the window and ask total strangers for directions to the Tomtom Head Office.
Continue ReadingMy parents once said that I’d never amount to anything because I had a childish imagination and unrealistic prospects. I can’t wait to tell them I’ve proved them wrong and that I’m the newest member of the Power Rangers.
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to break into the entertainment industry. Got as far as the ITN News studio before security caught up with me.
Continue ReadingI’ve just smashed up my old Nintendo Entertainment System. It broke into 8 bits.
Continue ReadingI’m using the mouse with my left hand for a change. It feels like someone else is doing it.
Continue ReadingRambo number 5 announced today. Stallone’s character is looking for a little bit of Monica in his life, a little bit of Erica by his side.
Continue ReadingI went out and bought a book today and flicked to the back page. So to all you dirty little women reading that dirty little book out there. She kills him at the end.
Continue ReadingA Rastafarian just gave me a haircut. I look dreadful.
Continue ReadingI said to the cops, “I’d like to report my hat as lost.” “Where did you have it last?” “It was on my hatstand.” “And is this hatstand at your home?” “No, the hatstand is missing too.” “Sir, have you checked your house yet?” “No. I lost the house as well. I think my wife […]
Continue ReadingI bought a piano today for a thousand pounds. It’s a grand piano.
Continue ReadingI’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
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