Birmingham City Council h …
Birmingham City Council have had a fantastic idea of how to solve the public transport issue in their City. They’re going to plant more trees.
Continue ReadingMe and my girlfriend were …
Me and my girlfriend were talking and it got really intimate, so I told her I could make her scream with one finger. She said ‘go ahead’ so I poked her in the eye.
Continue ReadingImagine God’s face when h …
Imagine God’s face when he checked his inbox…
Continue ReadingI got stopped by one of t …
I got stopped by one of those market researchers the other day. She said, “Do you mind if I ask you ten short questions?” I said, “Okay, go on then.” “Have you ever suffered from a blackout?” she asked. “I don’t think so,” I replied. She said, “And, finally, question ten.”
Continue ReadingJust bought a coat with e …
Just bought a coat with elbow patches, I didn’t even know they were legal tender.
Continue ReadingOur book keeper got spit …
Our book keeper got spit roasted at the office party. That’s one double-entry she won’t be forgetting for a while.
Continue ReadingI walked into an intervie …
I walked into an interview shouting, “Water, water, I need some water! or I’ll die” It’s important to make a good thirst impression.
Continue ReadingMy nan accidentally made …
My nan accidentally made a trifle with KY jelly. It didn’t taste very nice but it went down well.
Continue ReadingI was standing with my so …
I was standing with my soon to be ex wife when my lawyer handed me our divorce papers and I asked. ” is that it done then?” “No.” He replied. ” It’s not over ’til the fat lady signs.”
Continue ReadingWhy did the chicken cross …
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Tube workers were on strike.
Continue ReadingJust failed my driving te …
Just failed my driving test … “What is a sign you may see on a motorway?” ….. “Pick your own strawberrys” Isn’t an acceptable answer!
Continue ReadingSocial Networks- A bunch …
Social Networks- A bunch of people you know. This Website- A bunch of people you wish you knew!
Continue ReadingI was at a nightclub when …
I was at a nightclub when I spotted a pretty blonde at the bar. I went up to her and said, “Hey darling, fancy going on the floor and having a dance?” She replied, “Oh you can, I’d rather stay on my feet if I’m honest.”
Continue ReadingMy recent trip to France …
My recent trip to France did nothing to shake their reputation as cowardly surrender monkeys. I was only trying to be nice – smiling, holding open doors and minding my manners – but all they ever did was beg for mercy.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid my mum a …
When I was a kid my mum and dad abandoned me in the coat section of JD Sports and left me there to fend for myself. I grew up in the hoods.
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