Next time you see Gamu will be on Red Nose Day, pregnant, full of AIDS and covered in flies. And Cheryl will be there saying how awful it is. How ironic.
If you believe binoculars are overrated then look no further.
WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
My missus asked me to take her out for a slap up meal. So I drove her to the chippy and whacked her in the face with cod and chips.
I was talking to some police officers about some youths throwing milk bottles at me. ‘Skimmed just over your head? ‘I repied ‘No, full fat just over my shoulder’
Taking the decision to bend over and tie your shoelaces on a moving escalator injects the added thrill of a ‘time limit’.
I’ve just been to present my pitch to the Dragons’ Den. But apparently the tent has already been invented.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on sarcasm. The librarian says; “Yeah, ’cause you’re gonna bring it back, aren’t you?”
Why do women spend so much time at the sperm bank? They spend hours trying to find the right bag.
My mate was fired from his job as dog catcher because he kept bringing in dogs with tags. Turned out he was collarblind.
What did the octagenarian pirate say on his birthday? Aye Matey
BBC News – US warns allies on possible leaks. OK, they’re not the nicest vegetable, but theres no need to be afraid of them.
When i was on holiday i thought about getting my mate a souvenir made of a blue adhesive material. But i decided against it as i thought it was a bit tacky.
Nothing says I love you like a human speech box.
My 10 year old son said, “Dad, I know something really funny! One skin, two skin, three skin …foreskin! haha!” I said, “Well done son, I’m proud of you. I know a better one though. One play, two play, three play …you were adopted.”