Next time you see Gamu wi …
Next time you see Gamu will be on Red Nose Day, pregnant, full of AIDS and covered in flies. And Cheryl will be there saying how awful it is. How ironic.
Continue ReadingIf you believe binoculars …
If you believe binoculars are overrated then look no further.
Continue ReadingWOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST …
WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Continue ReadingMy missus asked me to tak …
My missus asked me to take her out for a slap up meal. So I drove her to the chippy and whacked her in the face with cod and chips.
Continue ReadingI was talking to some pol …
I was talking to some police officers about some youths throwing milk bottles at me. ‘Skimmed just over your head? ‘I repied ‘No, full fat just over my shoulder’
Continue ReadingTaking the decision to be …
Taking the decision to bend over and tie your shoelaces on a moving escalator injects the added thrill of a ‘time limit’.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to present …
I’ve just been to present my pitch to the Dragons’ Den. But apparently the tent has already been invented.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on sarcasm. The librarian says; “Yeah, ’cause you’re gonna bring it back, aren’t you?”
Continue ReadingWhy do women spend so muc …
Why do women spend so much time at the sperm bank? They spend hours trying to find the right bag.
Continue ReadingMy mate was fired from hi …
My mate was fired from his job as dog catcher because he kept bringing in dogs with tags. Turned out he was collarblind.
Continue ReadingWhat did the octagenarian …
What did the octagenarian pirate say on his birthday? Aye Matey
Continue ReadingBBC News – US warns allie …
BBC News – US warns allies on possible leaks. OK, they’re not the nicest vegetable, but theres no need to be afraid of them.
Continue ReadingWhen i was on holiday i t …
When i was on holiday i thought about getting my mate a souvenir made of a blue adhesive material. But i decided against it as i thought it was a bit tacky.
Continue ReadingNothing says I love you l …
Nothing says I love you like a human speech box.
Continue ReadingMy 10 year old son said, …
My 10 year old son said, “Dad, I know something really funny! One skin, two skin, three skin …foreskin! haha!” I said, “Well done son, I’m proud of you. I know a better one though. One play, two play, three play …you were adopted.”
Continue Reading