Never leave your pet in a …
Never leave your pet in a stolen vehicle, remember, dogs die in hot cars.
Continue ReadingAfraid to die alone? Then …
Afraid to die alone? Then become a bus driver.
Continue ReadingBBC News : ‘Dutch cabinet …
BBC News : ‘Dutch cabinet falls in Afghan row’ I’ve always said Dutch furniture is never reliable, especially when you’ve got two Afghans paddling away.
Continue ReadingI have a thing for ginger …
I have a thing for ginger girls… My shotgun.
Continue ReadingMy daughter came up to me …
My daughter came up to me the other day and said, ‘Dad, can I have a new pair of trainers?’ I said, ‘You’re twelve. Go to Taiwan and make some.’
Continue ReadingI’ve just got my first bi …
I’ve just got my first big acting break in a play about Neurosurgery. I’m a bundle of nerves.
Continue ReadingA reward of 10 million Ug …
A reward of 10 million Ugandan dollars has been offered for the capture of the notorious Joseph Kony. That’s right, if you capture Joseph Kony, you could find yourself 63 pence richer!
Continue ReadingDon’t you just love Sicki …
Don’t you just love Sickipedia? I place full of paedophiles, thieves, murderers and rapists. Yet blacks are preyed upon for being paedophiles, thieves, murderers and rapists.
Continue ReadingI’m going to put an end t …
I’m going to put an end to female patronisation. So don’t any of you ladies worry your pretty little heads
Continue ReadingEyewitnesses said that th …
Eyewitnesses said that they could hear the cries of terror as Sean Kingston headed for the bridge. They added that this was the first time they had ever heard a bridge speak.
Continue ReadingI’ve been developing a ph …
I’ve been developing a photographic memory.
Continue ReadingSomeone who says they’re …
Someone who says they’re 99.9 percent sure is really not sure at all.
Continue ReadingMy wife is addicted to ta …
My wife is addicted to takeaways. She’s taken away my confidence, my dignity, my self-respect, my money….
Continue ReadingIt’s taken almost six wee …
It’s taken almost six week, but I’ve finally sold my wife on Gumtree.com. Although she’s not quite willing to delete her eBay account just yet.
Continue ReadingBREAKING NEWS: Blackpool …
BREAKING NEWS: Blackpool fined 25,000 for fielding an understrength side against Aston Villa. IN OTHER NEWS: West Ham fined 1,000,000 for fielding an understrength side all season.
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