What’s black and will kil …
What’s black and will kill you if it gets in your eye? A taxi.
Continue ReadingYou always come to that p …
You always come to that point in maths where u think, this can’t be right im doing parallel lines.
Continue ReadingBeing unattractive is jus …
Being unattractive is just playing the dating game on hard mode.
Continue ReadingI was wondering what that …
I was wondering what that strange thing in the air was today, that blew my coffee over and made me lose my cigarette on my break at work. But thanks to my friends on Facebook with status updates, I have now found out it is windy outside.
Continue ReadingMy maths teacher won’t te …
My maths teacher won’t tell me what another word for ‘average’ is. Which is mean.
Continue ReadingMy wife accused me of was …
My wife accused me of wasting money the other day, i almost dropped my iPhone 4G, iPhone 3Gs and iPad at the same time!
Continue ReadingIf you see someone just r …
If you see someone just randomly removing their iPod headphones on the bus or the Tube, you can be pretty sure they’re gauging how loud their fart is.
Continue ReadingThere are many advantages …
There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland. I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.
Continue ReadingSky news – ‘US Toddler ag …
Sky news – ‘US Toddler ages seven times faster than normal people’ Ironically, her mum is a right dog.
Continue ReadingI always fart at funerals …
I always fart at funerals. . . Sorry but sometimes you just have to let one R.I.P.
Continue ReadingI went to the opticians a …
I went to the opticians and said, “I think I’ve got double vision. I keep seeing two blokes with moustaches.” After he stopped laughing he said, “That’s not double vision. That’s Chucklevision.”
Continue ReadingThe wife had a miscarriag …
The wife had a miscarriage, so i took her to the hospital for a routine check-up. Sat down next to another distressed looking woman and simply asked ‘miscarriage?’ ‘Yeah, this is my second one now’ she replied with a tear in her eye. ‘oh…….my wife isn’t that careless.’ Wasn’t the response she wanted to hear.
Continue ReadingI just saw a sign outside …
I just saw a sign outside the cinema in our local arts centre: “Out of Africa”. I didn’t even know they sold deodorant.
Continue ReadingI once asked a scouser ho …
I once asked a scouser how much money he had. ‘More than I can count’, he replied. In other words, about 100 quid.
Continue ReadingI too have just seen the …
I too have just seen the facebook group where it says ‘Treat your girlfriend as you would treat your Xbox’. I’ve just sold mine on e-bay.
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