I recently watched all of …
I recently watched all of the Lord of The Rings films back to back with a friend. I wasn’t the one facing the screen though.
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Has anyone else noticed that whenever you receive a text message and the sender has put LOL at the end, it’s never in the slightest bit funny? I always make sure I send a reply though… FO!
Continue ReadingI was in court, guilty, w …
I was in court, guilty, when the judge finally said: ‘3 months inprisonment, or 2000, fine.’ I said ‘I’ll take the money, it seems ok to me.’
Continue ReadingWhat’s green and let’s yo …
What’s green and let’s you go where you want? Permit the frog.
Continue ReadingI saw a woman in the high …
I saw a woman in the high street today selling novelty size mobile phones; she had the biggest pair of Nokias you have ever seen.
Continue ReadingWhere would you find a gi …
Where would you find a giant snail? On the end of his finger.
Continue ReadingMy wife just called me a …
My wife just called me a liar, in front of the judge! Well she’s not my wife, just a girl I followed one Friday night through the park.
Continue ReadingWhat did the fairytale ch …
What did the fairytale character say when she visited Birmingham? Snow Whites.
Continue ReadingHow do you get a child to …
How do you get a child to stop wetting the bed? Give him an electric blanket
Continue ReadingMy mum always told me nev …
My mum always told me never to put all my eggs in one basket. Which made it very difficult for me to steal from Tesco.
Continue ReadingPolitics turns me on for …
Politics turns me on for some strange reason. I’m politically erect?
Continue ReadingWhenever I take a girl ho …
Whenever I take a girl home from a club, I can keep them up all night. I just slip a gram of speed into their drink.
Continue ReadingBBC News – ‘Our pub’s abo …
BBC News – ‘Our pub’s about to shut?!?’ They’re shut now, its nearly three in the morning.
Continue ReadingI’m a ventriloquist. I do …
I’m a ventriloquist. I do gigs in two price scales; for the cheap one, I bring a mime dummy.
Continue ReadingI bought a book yesterday …
I bought a book yesterday: “1001 Uses For Binary”. However, when I got home I was very disappointed to find it only contained nine.
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