My girlfriend wanted perf …
My girlfriend wanted perfume & jewellery for her birthday but I got her a chocolate egg & a toy instead. She was kinder surprised.
Continue ReadingJohnson’s ‘No more tears’ …
Johnson’s ‘No more tears’ baby shampoo is a total swizz – it took some pulling, but we still managed to tear ours in half.
Continue ReadingI told the wife at the we …
I told the wife at the weekend I would take her to town and she could look in any shop she wanted. “Really, you mean it?, absolutly any shop I want?” she asked. “Yep,not a problem” I replied. “Oooooh, your the best” she giggled. I’ve never known anyone get so excited over the prospect of […]
Continue ReadingWhoever said, ‘ Laughter …
Whoever said, ‘ Laughter is the best medicine . ‘ never had gonorrhoea.
Continue ReadingHave you hear the one abo …
Have you hear the one about the broken parachute? It never goes down to well
Continue ReadingI stopped to observed the …
I stopped to observed the two minute silence today in memory of my grandfather who was once awarded the King’s Cross. O, how I miss playing Monopoly with the old codger.
Continue ReadingMy philosophy on life is …
My philosophy on life is to ignore things until they go away. Apparently this is an unacceptable approach to parenting.
Continue ReadingI bought a book the other …
I bought a book the other day called “Do things for you, make friends that aren’t looking for somebody to take advantage of”. It was really expensive but apparently it’s very good, can’t wait till my mate finishes reading it.
Continue Readingmy friends call me mr unc …
my friends call me mr uncertaincy, but im not so sure about that.
Continue ReadingBeans, alphabet spaghetti …
Beans, alphabet spaghetti for the blind.
Continue ReadingWhat did the electron say …
What did the electron say to the proton? You’ve pulled…
Continue ReadingIn cinemas this Friday: T …
In cinemas this Friday: The Rentokil Story. Soundtrack by Deadmau5.
Continue ReadingI just used up my last pl …
I just used up my last plastic drink sucker. It made me so angry, I just lost control. It was the final straw.
Continue ReadingTwo owls are sitting in a …
Two owls are sitting in a tree. The first one announces “I’m getting married!” To which the second replies “You twit, to who?!”
Continue ReadingI was flying over scotIan …
I was flying over scotIand and was confused with where my hand luggage should go, Luckily for me a friendly libyan helped me and put it in locker B
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