Every rule has an excepti …
Every rule has an exception. Except for this one.
Continue ReadingMy dad took me to a museu …
My dad took me to a museum for vintage mechanical toys. It was such a wind up.
Continue ReadingWho says 2 negatives don’ …
Who says 2 negatives don’t make a positive? What about “Don’t stop”
Continue ReadingAs my wife put electric w …
As my wife put electric wires onto my nipples i suddenly realised… Love Hertz
Continue ReadingYou know your getting old …
You know your getting old when you buy a cereal for it’s fibre content and not the free toy
Continue ReadingMy mate said he was going …
My mate said he was going to show me something really strange and unusual. He handed me a part of a fishing rod. I said, “What’s unusual about that?” He replied, “Surreal…”
Continue ReadingI’ve always been the kind …
I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to think outside of the box. Although it has harmed my career as a goalkeeper.
Continue ReadingA bat has just flown in t …
A bat has just flown in through my window. Never did get on with the cricket ground next door.
Continue ReadingThe government is now say …
The government is now saying that all dogs will have to be chipped. A spokesman for the Korean community said that this was great news
Continue ReadingI’d never buy chicken fro …
I’d never buy chicken from the co-op.
Continue ReadingI had one of those horrib …
I had one of those horrible moments this morning when I confused my wife’s hair removal cream with the toothpaste. Mind you, my legs have never smelled so minty.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a grizzl …
What do you call a grizzly with no teeth? A Gummy Bear
Continue ReadingIf there’s one thing I le …
If there’s one thing I learned in school, it’s to never judge a crook by his colour
Continue ReadingA man wakes up on a deser …
A man wakes up on a deserted island only to find that the sun, sand and sea are all purple. He cried: “Oh no, I’ve been marooned!”
Continue ReadingCredit card companies kee …
Credit card companies keep sending me letters encouraging me to become a tightrope walker. Apparently I have outstanding balance.
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