I used to go out with an Olympic hurdler. But she got over me.
A Chinese horse walked into a bar and the barman said “why the long face’ The horse said, “you must have the long eyes because this is the light face’
I can’t be the only one that is going to drive my car at 88 mph at 01:59.59 this morning.
I went into Sainsbury’s and asked, “Do you sell spinal vertebrae?” The guy said, “They’re in the back.”
When my wife came home I spoke to her about our son. “His heads all messed up,” I said. “He’s a teenager… They’re all a bit like that.” She replied. “No. The police just called.. He’s shot himself in school.”
Postman falls into coma… Letters pray.
I converted my Nail bed into a door earlier. I tell you what, you can’t knock it.
My wife says she is sick to death of me taking advantage of her. Ive consequently told her to find someone else to play tennis with.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a history teacher but when I got older I realised there was no future in it.
Was Einsteins theory good? Relatively.
My friend said he was going to create an invisibility cloak. I don’t see it working though
I was cleaning my house this morning using a latino and a tinned ham. My house is spic ‘n’ spam now.
My wife said I was too formal. I suggested she put that in writing and I’d reply by return of post.
Generally speaking, people named Aaron have really lazy parents.
I was going to write a story about the march I went on at the weekend but I can’t. I’ve got rioters block.