Category: work

There was an accident on the motorway today. I tried to help the victims but there was so much blood that I felt sick and had to leave. I’m sure they’ll be okay until a different ambulance gets there.

My wife said, “What will I tell my boss for not going to work, I can’t just say it’s because I was cooking a roast all day.” “How about Diarrhoea?” I said. “No way!” she laughed. “Okay,” I replied, “but if a girl phoned me saying she was cooking diarrhoea, I would think she needed […]

I used to like walking around insulting hobos. But I got bored because it seemed like the insults never hit home.

I just got sent home from work. Apparently “Non uniform Friday” isn’t the same as “Naked Friday”.

I’m making a fortune in my job as a door-to-door salesman of “NO DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMEN” signs.

My boss called me in to his office the other day “you wanted to see me boss?” I said “thats right” he replied, “your productivity levels are slipping, you need to seriously increase your volume otherwise I may have to let you go” I replied “FAIR ENOUGH BOSS, BUT HOW’S THIS GOING TO HELP MY […]

Definition of Irony: Going the Job Centre to sign on and being told to come back tomorrow as they are short staffed.

PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty ‘Toblerone’ chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job

It was “all go” in work today. Everyone got made redundant.

I’ve used up all my sick days at work, guess I’m gonna resort to plan B and phone in dead.

As I sat down to eat lunch in the office staff room I couldn’t help getting annoyed at the fire alarm constantly going off. I don’t even know why I became a fireman in the first place.

Me and my Army mates were complaining about our commanding officers. It was more of a General moan, nothing Major.

The boss sacked me today. He found out I was continually making jokes in the office about his fat wife. He said, “There was absolutely no excuse for such behaviour”. I must admit, he had me over a barrel.

Today I woke up with this overwhelming feeling to go to work and have a really productive day. I forced myself back to bed and thank God it went away.

I was told by my work colleagues that my boss was going to sack me today, so I thought I’d get in there first. Unfortunately It turns out that I don’t have the power to sack him.