Category: work

Africa & Asia will be adopting a new truancy programme later this year – They are expected to employ over 3000 trained truancy officers across the 2 continents to help maintain children’s attendance at work.

I walked into the pet shop yesterday and saw an old mate working there. I said, “alright Davey, don’t you work in Burger King anymore then?” “Nah, moved on since then. What can I get you?” “Glad to hear it. I’m looking for a tropical frog.” “Do you want flies with that?”

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said, “You’ve been promoted.” And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said, “You’ve been promoted again.” And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said, “You’re managing director.” And […]

I’ve just been promoted to manager in my job, and to celebrate, I took my new Ferrari F50 for a spin. After that, I turned off Need For Speed and got back to flipping burgers in McDonald’s.

I’ve done many different jobs in my time. After dinner speaker, postman, midwife. I got sacked from all of them. Maybe I need to accept that I’m just no good at delivering things.

I have quit my job as a butcher I was struggling to make ends meat.

My mates a scientist. He recently got a job at a prestigious research facility. Company car, forty days paid holiday a year, the lot. Some would say he had it all. Then again, at least I’ve seen a real live naked lady.

The salesman left the house in a hurry to go to work. As she did every morning, his wife began her Yoga exercises in bed. The man realised he had left his briefcase in the bedroom, he went back into the house to recover it. When he entered the bedroom, his wife was on her […]

I have done nothing all day apart from go to the shops. I am not lazy, I am just preparing for retirement.

I got sacked from my job because of what I pinned up on the public noticeboard. My boss.

got a new job. i am now an Underwater Ceramics Technician. well, i say that, i am more of a dishwasher…

Boss: Why aren’t you working? Me: There’s nothing to do. Boss: Well, pretend that you’re working. Me: Wouldn’t it be easier if YOU pretended I was working?

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the boss’s wife instead. “I’m afraid he died last week,” she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. “I told you,” the wife replies, “he died last week.” The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to […]

The bin men said they wont collect my rubbish. I emailed them about it and all I got back was: refuse waste service.

Like most people, I steal from work. Not quite as rewarding when you’re self-employed though.