Category: work

I’ve recently got a job in the elevator industry. I’m going right to the top

What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper? None. You just pick it up as you go along!

When at the end of a job interview and they ask if you have any questions, apparently ‘Where is the nearest petrol station? my orange light is on’ isn’t quite what they are looking for.

I arrived at work looking morbidly depressed. My boss said to me, “James, I can see that you’re in a really bad place right now.” “I know I am”, I replied, “I’m at work.”

The recruitment consultant asked me, “What do you think of voluntary work?” I said, “I wouldn’t do it if you paid me.”

My wife left me because I spend too much time at work. At least that’s what I think, I missed a call from her the other week whilst out for drinks with a client on our anniversary. I knew it was for real when I ran out of ironed shirts.

Office relationships never work out, they always end badly. Mine was especially traumatic. I married her.

Our MD kept going on about the company’s 2012 goals today. “Don’t you think 2012 is a few too many goals?” I finally asked him. “Wouldn’t we be better off sticking to 4 or 5?”

There’s nothing wrong with sleeping naked. I’ve just gotta stop having a nap on the train to work.

I always thought i wanted a career, as it turns out, i just wanted the paychecks.

Went for a job interview today but I didn’t get it because apparently I don’t understand basic business. I told them they could stick their job, I wouldn’t work for them if they paid me

I’ve been overlooked for the vacant managers position at my sealife center again, but now instead of fishtank supervisor, I’ve been made Crab supervisor. I think I’m being moved sideways.

Whenever someone dies at work, they always die “doing the job they loved.” Thanks god I hate my job!

A guy phones up his workplace on a Monday morning… “Sorry Boss, I can’t come in today, I’m sick” “Dave this is the third Monday in a row you’re had off. Just how sick are you?” “Well, I’m in bed with my little sister at the moment if that’s any help.”

Affairs in the workplace. Putting the secret into secretary.