Category: work

“As a human being,you should feel proud that you are top of the food chain.” Is what i said to myself as i got promoted at Macdonalds.

A tip to all my fellow sickepedians. In the Achievements section of your CV it is ill advised to put your Sickipedia Score.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Sacked from the zoo.

Why are working men’s clubs always full of blokes who aren’t at work?

If doing what you would normally do at work when you’re off is called a “busman’s holiday”, then surely doing what you would normally do on a day off when you’re supposed to be working should be called a “postman’s holiday”.

I am in the air force parachute regiment. Yesterday I went on my first mission, which was dropping in over a war-torn country. As I fell 30,000ft 20,000ft 10,00ft 5,000ft I pulled the cord. My kagool tightened.

Guy 1: “If my boss doesn’t take back what he said to me, I’m leaving the company.” Guy 2: “What did he say?” Guy 1: “Leave the company.”

My boss has just gone on holiday AGAIN. He’s had more time off than the twin towers window cleaner.

This morning my boss caught me in my office sniffing my secretary’s chair before she came in. It wouldn’t have been too bad had I not tried to get out of it by saying i had a line of cocaine racked up on there.

I’ve just started work as an estate agent. It’s not a job. It’s a vocation. Vocation. Vocation.

Boss: Why aren’t you working!? Me: Because i didn’t see you coming

I got sacked from my job as a lumberjack. They said I couldn’t hack it.

I went to the art gallery today and saw some still life. Council workmen were on a job outside.

I’ve had to perform a lot of manual labour at work recently. If the babies aren’t coming out, I just go in and grab them.

The first job I ever had was working in a supermarket, it was my job to hand out samples of things for people to taste. But I was asked to leave after ‘the little cups of bleach incident’. After that I worked in a pathology lab, but I was asked to leave after one of […]