Category: work

We’ve got an emergency gas mains leak to repair by Big Ben We’re working around the clock

My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not that I have. So now I’m standing disciplinary meeting in my Batman costume.

It’s my job to torture the Muslims for information. Well, I’ve nothing better to do than call up those foreign call centres.

I applied for a job at hooters the other day, I asked for an application form and they gave me a bra, the bloke then said ”fill that out love”.

I quit my job as a gas man today. Too much pressure.

Tell your boss what you really think of him and the truth shall set you free.

I’m a farmer & autumn can be a busy time with all that preparation for sowing new crops. It gets really stressful sometimes. In fact it’s usually quite harrowing…

I was thrown in at the deep end on my first day in my new job, and it must have been clear I had lied during the interview. I think drowning was a bit of a giveaway that I wasn’t a “former olympic swimming coach”.

Went past the local council estate the other day and saw the most comprehensive set of inflatable Christmas figures, lights and all manner of huge decorations. I thought to myself ‘Wow, they must have needed a day off work to do all that!’ and then I thought ‘Oh…’.

I’ve been selected for a ‘Random Drugs Test’ at work. I hope I get something hallucinogenic to help me get through today.

In a populist move, the British Government is proposing charging a per-person tariff on firms employing workers from Eastern Europe to encourage them to take on more local employees. It will be called a Pole Tax.

I walked into work yesterday “good morning everybody.” My boss warned me for patronising the people in the funeral parlour.

Got into work this morning the boss said, “I’ve got an axe to grind with you.” I wasn’t worried though. I work in a tool sharpening company.

Do you reckon anyone has ever rang their workplace to say “I won’t be in today or ever again. I’ve found a way to earn money by staying at home working on my computer, with no skills required!”?

I’ve suspected my female boss is really a bloke for some time now. So today when she was bent over I thrust my hand up her skirt to check. Just like I thought….I got the sack