Category: work

My wife is getting hen-pecked. I keep her locked in the chicken coup

I used to be a History teacher. But thats all in the past now.

My boss said, “Because of your tireless efforts over the last year, I’m gonna have to let you go.” “Why?” “Because it’s a tire company.”

The manager of a large office noticed a new guy one day and told him to come into his office. “What’s your name?” the manager asked. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their […]

When i worked at the jewellers i was accused of stealing a valuable broach.. But they just couldn`t pin it on me..

Whenever somebody asks me what I do for a living, I tell them I work in P.R. Fortunately for me, they usually change the subject before I finish spelling out I.M.A.R.K.

I hate it when you’re applying for a job and employers ask really annoying questions, like “Do you have any outstanding criminal convictions?” or “Are you still a danger to women?”

‘So tell me, Mrs. Smith,’ asked the interviewer, ‘have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?’ ‘Actually, yes,’ said the applicant modestly. ‘Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel.’ ‘Very impressive,’ he commented, ‘but I was thinking of skills you could apply during […]

I went for an appointment at the jobcentre earlier. My advisor was 20 minutes late, she seemed completely disorganised, and took a further 5 minutes finding my paperwork. I wasn’t overly impressed. Finally she sat down and asked me, “So, what jobs are you thinking of applying for this week?” “Yours” I replied.

My boss just caught me day dreaming and told me to get back to work. I will… just have to feed the unicorns first.

I went for a job interview at a large clothes retail outlet. It was going quite well when she said, “You will be situated in our super sized section so you will be catering for the larger woman, is this something that appeals to you?” “Only after a few pints.” I winked.

My wife’s dentist says “she has the best set of teeth he has ever come across.” What does he mean?

BBC NEWS – UK unemployment total on the rise. That now means all the people on the dole can have the jobs that the newly unemployed are leaving. Problem solved!

My boss fired me when he saw me drunk in the street with a cone on my head. He said I should’ve been sober and inside the ice cream van.

I told my Son that I thought he should be a binman….. He Refused.