Category: wordplay

I’m auditioning for my head double, but only asking epileptics. I want to make sure the face fits.

What are long, hard and delicious? Adjectives.

Despite not being a strong swimmer, I can’t stop myself from joining in with other people’s routines down at the local pool. I just can’t swim without synching.

How do you make a hormone? I’ll give you a hint. It’s in your genes.

Finally, I’ve achieved my childhood dream of becoming an artist. I’m drawing the dole.

My brother and I played a game this Christmas – the winner was the first to name their worst Christmas present besides socks and underwear. It was a tie.

What do you call an exploding Monkey? Baboom!

I was chatting to a couple of girls today. I said, “Give me your numbers and we can go out for a drink sometime”. One of the girls said, “Okay, give us two secs.” I said, “No problem, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”

Record wind speeds have been predicted across Europe, with gusts between 45 and 78RPM.

I am going to Ipswich later. I am banned from too many websites on this one

My girlfriend said, “Fancy a bit of phone fun tonight?” I said, “Yeah, definitely. Let’s call your mum and tell her you’ve died.”

Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. Can’t believe the currant exchange rate!

My son missed out on an A in Maths. He spelt it “mths” and failed his English exam.

I just had a Turkey and Chile sandwich, and to be honest, I haited it, they’re also hard to eat when the plate keeps shifting!

What was the most debatable event at the London Olympics? The Discuss