I was getting really high …
I was getting really high at the park yesterday. I love going on the swings.
Continue ReadingI was getting really high at the park yesterday. I love going on the swings.
Continue ReadingThe other day I farted in the face of a girl I met at bar. She looked at me and told me I was gross and did not find it funny. It will never work between us. She just doesn’t appreciate my scents of humor.
Continue ReadingSurgeons removed my jaw by mistake. Well, what could I say?
Continue ReadingA friend of mine is a Community Support Officer and he desperately wants to be a real copper. It’s his birthday next week – I’m gonna buy him twenty quids worth of truncheon vouchers.
Continue ReadingStatistically 99% of people believe knighthood is totally justified. -Sir Vey.
Continue ReadingHindsight is a wonderful thing… …especially when you’re standing behind Pippa Middleton.
Continue ReadingI was walking through the park today when I seen a man going absolutely mental at his wife. He was jumping up and down, shaking his fists furiously and shouting “I gave you one job to do and you couldn’t even do that!! Now there’s not enough food for the both of us!!!” I thought […]
Continue ReadingI don’t know what the fascination is with strip clubs. It’s just the same old thong and dance.
Continue ReadingMy ex-girlfriend told me that I had to go one week without using any sporting idioms or she would break up with me. I fell at the first hurdle.
Continue ReadingI was at the pub with my mate and I asked him what’s his favorite drink. “Shloer” He replied So I repeated it in a drunken voice.
Continue Reading“D’you think Mos Def is short for something?” “Most definitely.”
Continue Reading“WE CHARGE AT DAWN!” “Why not now?” “Solar-powered charger.”
Continue ReadingI love giving directions. It’s right up my street
Continue ReadingI got a really bad case of mood poisoning. It must have been something I hate.
Continue ReadingI’m a uniformed police officer but today I’m working under cover. I’m not getting out of bed.
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