Category: wordplay

I really looked forward to some freshly squeezed orange today, but after 2 minutes of fumbling trying … I realised I just couldn’t concentrate.

12 injured in an explosion at a Sodium Chloride factory. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.

I attended a fund-raising banquet for diabetic Kurdish refugees and was hugely disappointed not to find any Turkish Delight.

Why was Henry VIII beard always covered in blood? Tudor period.

I find oxymorons can be very bittersweet.

My wife has been worried about the corn she found on her foot. Which makes me slightly suspicious about the footprint in my dinner last night.

Weeds are starting to take over my garden. It’s a growing problem.

My wifes weight may have ballooned to 28 stone since she had kids, but I still loved her and she meant the world to me. Sadly she suffered a fatal heart attack last week while she was performing a reverse cowboy. I was crushed.

I used to be a reconstructive plastic surgeon, but I just couldn’t face it any more.

“D’you want another beer?” “Just a wee one.” “Fosters, then?”

I refused to eat my rabbit stew last night. There was a hare in it.

DIY can be fun but only when it’s riveting.

My wife asked me “Would you say that I was likeable?” I said “No love, bulls are male. You’re like a cow.”

My girlfriend phoned today saying she was in town, looking at leather suites. I’m not so sure – they sound a bit chewy to me.

Like my dad always use to say…. “Home is where the tart is!”