Category: wordplay

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned. …

I like to put horses heads on broom handles. Its my hobby.

As a paranoid schizophrenic, I take the lift alone to my top floor apartment… I can’t handle the stares.

PG movies are overrated.

The wife was countin out a load of 1p’s & 2p’s on the kitchen table, suddenly she got angry & started shoutin & cryin for no apparent reason!, I thought to myself: ‘she’s goin thru the change!!’

No rest for the wicked. Probably why I is got insomnia, innit.

I lost my mobile so I retraced my steps. It didn’t help, I ran out of paper half way up.

Times are hard for plumbers, I had to take a job refitting Ronnie Corbett’s bathroom. I never thought I’d sink that low.

I had a lovely meal last night. Can’t tell you what though as there’s a supper injunction in place

I was out in the town this afternoon and actually caught my son shoplifting. I had no idea he was that strong.

My mates called me last night asking if I wanted to go over, have a few beers, play on the PS3 and smoke a few joints. Sounded like a good idea so I grabbed my keys, got a few joints ready then drove over there. We had a few beers then went out to his […]

A mate of mine was killed in a freak accident after tripping over a jigsaw. The cause of death is unconfirmed as police are still piecing together the evidence.

I was on a forum earlier and it said ‘Read 1024 times’… I thought ‘That’s an odd request’

Elton John- You can tell everybody this is your son.

You may not think it to look at me, but I did once take 1st place in London’s Cutest Baby awards. I would have taken 2nd as well if she didn’t start screaming.