Category: wordplay

John Deere’s manure spreader is the only equipment the company won’t stand behind.

I absolutely refuse to believe that I am in denial…..

Did you hear about the woman who left her husband because he was a suicide bomber? He was in pieces.

I asked my son to fix some shelves while I was at work but he chose to smoke weed all day instead. All that time wasted.

Doctor: “How are you feeling today?” Patient: “With my hands mainly, same as yesterday.”

When asked where the explosive packages destined for the US had originated from, president Obama replied “Yeman” I know he’s trying to play it cool but he could have told us

Do you think, “I’ve pulled a sickie” is what Doctor’s say to their mates when they get off with one of their Patients?

BigPond news: ‘Apple sells 1.7m iPhones’. Will this version have the same features as the 115 millimetre iPhones?

BBC News: “Spelling mistakes ‘cost millions’.” Or is that ‘billions’? Guess we’ll never know.

Highlighter is such an attention seeker.

If anyone wants to complain about me, I invite them to use a microphone placed next to a large speaker. I always like to get feedback.

There’s been an aggressive dog running loose in our street and cops are looking for it’s owner. Hopefully they’ll find a lead.

My Jewish friend has just started a cmpany that sells high quality dog leads It’s called “Muzzle-tough”

When I told my uncle that I was moving to the Northeast for university he said, “Be careful if you ever go into the centre of Newcastle on your own, there’s a lot of dangerous people out there.” “Don’t you worry about me”, I chuckled, “I’m not afraid of NE1”.

I just came home and found my mum slumped on the couch with needles in her arms. She always falls asleep when she knits.