Category: wordplay

My dad’s just been telling us why he should be employee of the month at Samsonite this month. To be fair he does make a good case.

I took a degree in ballet. I got a 2:2

there’s a group of judges marking the scores of a talent show, during a break they are discussing the scores, one of them says ‘this is going to be a tough one, i’ve had a tie two ways’ another replies with ‘i had a thai three way, that’s one night i’ll never forget’

I saw this bloke, coughing and wheezing. Turns out he was a member of Team Rocket.

I saw the world’s biggest, tallest library today and all I could ask myself was: How many stories do you think that is?

Just found out my dad’s mother and father are Muslim. They’re my Qur’anparents.

I hate, misplaced commas.

I lost face at work today. It wouldn’t be so bad, but I’m a plastic surgeon, and it wasn’t my face.

The Labour party must have sold a lot of houses recently, Last week they had loads for sale, but this week, all the signs have disappeared…

I came downstairs this morning to see that my curtains were drawn. All the furniture was real though.

I was driving down the motorway, then I saw a sign saying, ‘Slow, Skid Risk Ahead.” I thought, “That person must have had seriously bad diarrhea.

Cleaners: Even through a recession their business is still picking up.

I told my wife due to the recession we had to dine on a small budget, I wasn’t expecting a baby bird on my plate the next day.

I read an excellent mystery novel last night. The last few pages were missing.

Every time my wife mensturates, she insists on wearing different coloured clothes. She’s currently going through a red period.