Category: wordplay

So there I was, watching my wife stripping as quickly as she could, when I couldn’t help but wonder… If she isn’t careful she’s going to damage to plasterboard underneath the wallpaper.

Just finished reading a book on the best way to fix down a carpet. It was gripping.

What do you call a crocodile that cuts up cheese? An alligrater.

Two pirates were chatting to each other. The first pirate says, “I like your earrings – how much were they?” The second pirate says, “A couple of bucks.” The first pirate says, “Oh, they’re not bad for a buccaneer.”

Poor little Natsuki has to walk five miles a day with a bucket of water on her head. Just five pounds a month would help pay for a bigger bucket to help bail her out.

Aren’t all cameras disposable?

Apprehended : The new App that reminds you your hen is dead.

Although Oxford professors can be distinguished, I find it hard to tell them apart.

BBC news tells me: “Police appeal to murder suspect”. If he’s killed someone, the last thing I want to know is what bands he likes.

I’ve managed to run over 8 muslim women in the last 6 days…. That makes me officially, Leicester’s new drive through Burka King.

I support Columbia, not England. I prefer 3 lines up my nose.

Know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools? The supply teachers.

I would never eat from a fancy restaurant that had snails on the menu. If they can’t be bothered to wipe the menu’s, what’s the kitchen going to be like?

I discovered an oddly shaped balloon today , inflated and on a string, but it was the most odd shaped balloon i’ve ever seen, so i rang the local newspaper, twenty minutes later all the media turned up , sky news , BBC news , to be honest it was just blown out of proportion

My wife burnt the steak last night… Well done.