Category: wordplay

My mother-in-law suffered from terrible heart burn. I stabbed her with a red hot poker.

Walking through town this morning I kept getting accosted by people in uniform, waving collection boxes at me while dribbling spit down their chins. God I hate the Salivation Army.

My girlfriend is still hung up over her ex. I’m hoping the police will think she stabbed him to death before committing suicide.

You know how your mother always used to tell you to “break in new shoes”? Yeah well, I think the people who rioted in London last month took that term a little loosely.

After winning a race, a jockey was found to have given his animal drugs, and was disqualified. I bet that took him off his high horse.

Apparently Belsprout has killed 29 people in germany… and i though it was useless

Why did my sister quit being a Jehovah’s witness? She got knocked up.

My car broke down on my way to work this morning. It was really disturbing to see it cry.

Hi my names Cliff. You should drop over sometime.

I cheated on my wife with a gorgeous young weather-girl. My judgement was clouded.

I looked out the window this morning to see that every house on the road opposite had fallen over, one by one. Police believe it was triggered by an explosion at the Domino’s pizza shop.

Once you turn 18. You can legally do all the things you’ve been doing since you were 14.

I went to see The Smurfs today. It totally blue my mind….

It’s my wifes birthday coming up and she keeps going on about how bad I am at buying presents. Well this year she’s in for a rude awakening. I’m buying her a Tourettes alarm clock.

People are always telling me to stop eating trousers. I just wish they’d cut me some slack.