Category: wordplay

I got sacked on my first day as a tree surgeon. All I did was attempt to remove a man’s appendix with a conifer.

I went to see my doctor with a bad cough today. When I got there I gave him a packet of strepsils and told him to get well soon!

My mate swears that he dreams in colour. I say it’s just a pigment of his imagination.

I went to university three times in three different disguises. I got found out after they gave me the third degree.

My girlfriend is on the pill but is thinking of trying something else. I told her if the cap fits.

You never know what’s coming round the corner in South Africa, until it hits you.

I don’t think the people in this nudist colony likes me at all. Maybe it’s because I came in my trousers.

I’ve put in so many shifts where I work recently that they’ve decided to fire me. Keyboard manufacturing isn’t as easy as it looks.

I have some jokes about the unemployed. They need work though.

A man has died after falling into a vat full of Cadbury chocolate. At least he died a Hero.

I was told the lift at work was out of order. I didn’t think it was that bad, I only lifted her skirt for a quick look.

I was slicing open a Kiwi last night, and I thought to myself; God I hate New Zealanders.

I took my cat to get neutered last week. He hasn’t brought any birds home since.

I like women how I like my coal… Slags.

My friend came to me with the idea of opening an affordable clothes store I told him there’s a Gap in the market for that.