Category: wordplay

I lit the candles, poured some wine, and asked my girl, “Any chance you’re up for some mutual masturbation?” She replied, “Let’s duet.”

Did you hear about the Swiss kid who entered the Special Needs press up contest? Well he won it. Hans Down.

Me and my mate were trying to convince two hot birds we weren’t builders but in the end the cracks were showing.

I need to tell someone about my coconut touching fetish. But I’m feeling a little shy.

I had a tough decision to make at the hairdresser’s the other day. I’m a huge Pulp Fiction fan and was umming and ahhing about whether to go for hair like John Travolta’s, or something more like Samuel L Jackson’s. The barber suggested I just go with the ‘fro.

After spending hours looking through my drawers, I’ve finally found a pair of socks that don’t have holes in. Now that’s sorted, I’ve just got to find a way to get them on.

My girlfriend recently auditioned to become an adult performer. When the police showed up, she had to act like she was an adult.

I was battering a fish when I thought, “Surely this is animal cruelty”

I always get the urge to tell fart jokes, but I never follow through with it.

After falling overboard on a cruise ship, I awoke on an Island surrounded by mountains made of cake and rivers of custard. I think it was a dessert Island.

I firebombed a funeral procession today. I love the smell of napalm in the mourning.

BBC News: Man attacked outside Edinburgh’s Karma Nights club Apparently he had it coming.

“What’s done cannot be undone.” They obviously didn’t have shoelaces in Shakespeare’s day.

My girlfriend fell into a vat of liquid nitrogen. I soon snapped her out of it.

I used to get laughed at a lot at work until the other day, when I decided to invert the contents of the cafe. Oh how the tables have turned.