I got sent packing after …
I got sent packing after 5 minutes at my new job as a pet manicurist. They seemed upset that I had brought my own claw hammer with me.
Continue ReadingI got sent packing after 5 minutes at my new job as a pet manicurist. They seemed upset that I had brought my own claw hammer with me.
Continue ReadingEver since I misplaced my dictionary, I’ve been at a loss for words.
Continue ReadingLock up your daughters, I have a “Rescuing the princess from her tower prison” fetish.
Continue ReadingI went to a Chinese restaurant and ordered a meal. Ten minutes later this duck waddles up to me,gives me a single red rose and says, “Your lips are like rubies and your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I called the waiter over and said “Excuse me. I ordered aromatic duck”.
Continue ReadingToday I heard on the news that there was a spillage of syrup on the motorway. It makes a change from the usual jams.
Continue ReadingI was reading the newspaper today when I said to the missus, “It says here that some bloke made a cow swallow some high explosives.” She said, “That’s abominable!” I replied, “No love. It was a bomb in a cow actually.”
Continue ReadingIf anyone ever tells you they’ve lost their voice, They’re lying.
Continue ReadingI went to a casino last night and was stood next to guy playing Blackjack that kept having win after win after win. I couldn’t believe this guys luck but realised he was stood on a what looked like a bit of bread. I asked him. ” Mate, your doing really well but what’s that […]
Continue ReadingI like nothing more than a freshly baked loaf, straight out of the oven. Mmm, …you just can’t put a price on that. The sticker falls off.
Continue ReadingAnimal rights activists never do more than one thing at a time. They don’t want to kill two birds with one stone.
Continue ReadingWhen we were kids we used to make our own entertainment. Spitting off bridges was my favourite game. We called it ”Catarrh Hero.”
Continue ReadingAl Qaeda bombs have been found at a saloon, a cattle ranch, and Clint Eastwoods house. Apparently its an attack on the western world
Continue ReadingI got really angry trying to carry my memory foam mattress up the stairs, but in the end I learned to control my Tempur.
Continue ReadingThe letter M is very rare in the English language. You only see it once in a Blue Moon!
Continue ReadingI’ve just applied for a job at Royal Mail. I think I’ll get the post.
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