Category: wordplay

I went up to this guy and told him to pick up a twig. The man said “Are you coming on to me?” I replied “Mate, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick!”

Just got kicked out of Harvester, Apparently ‘Steak & BJ Day’ doesn’t count at restaurants!

I went to a really posh school. In fact, the school was so posh that the Gym was called James.

Better late than never. Period.

Mix your metaphors, it’s not rocket surgery.

I won’t be using my faulty bathroom scales anymore. I’ve seen the error of my weighs.

Everytime my daughter gets undressed she leaves her bedroom door open about 3 inches. I find it highly annoying and I don’t know why she does it. I can’t get my head around it.

My missus stubbed her toe so I carried her into the hospital. I asked, “How bad is it doc?” He said, “Your going to have to put her down.” I said, “Oh dear, did you hear that Sheila? We’re going to have to put you down.”

So I’m trekking through the woods and….. Hang on, bear with me…

I used to go out with an epileptic pirate. I loved the way she shook her booty.

What do you call a man with a Boulder on his head? Dead.

The Daily Mail has described Katie Price as tight-lipped about not revealing her attacker’s name. Not the best choice of words.

Did you hear about the two dyslexics who were arrested for throwing black people from the top of Niagra Falls?

What do you call a cat without whiskers? Hungry.

What do you call a plasticine man that goes around molesting children? A Play-doh phile…