Category: wordplay

BBC News: Stormot to hold NI abuse enquiry The famous Knights are still said to be in shock from the ordeal.

I came home from work to find my wife laying in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs. I said, “Are you OK?” She said, “Do I look OK?” I said, “Well not really … to be honest, that t-shirt is a bit tight around your belly and your hair looks terrible”

Now we are divorced, my wife has returned to using her maiden name of Bach and it’s only now I realise that the relationship was only ever going to turn out one way for me. I wish I’d never married Helen.

Billy Ocean – The new face and sponser of Vaseline, Because love really hurts without you.

I know a Paki who doesn’t smell. He has Anosmia, he still stinks though.

I went to see the doctor yesterday. What seems to be the problem, Edgar? he asked. Well, I think I suffer from schizophrenia, I said, being Frank.

How much is 200 pounds in America? Underweight.

Yesterday when I went to fill up my car with petrol I was surrounded by people filling up rusty old tin cans. Or, as they should be called, second-hand Fiat Puntos.

Nice to see JML have released a new product, a French woollen blanket with goes over your car, the Nicholas car cosy.

I literally like metaphors and similes.

I had a one night stand recently, and to be honest, I would have much preferred sitting.

My friend: My grandmother just died. It’s really shocking. I just thought she’d keep living until she was 100. Me: Were you close? My Friend: She was 94, so i wasn’t far off.

Rioters suddenly chased out of largely asian based communities Hounslow and Southall. Who called The Turbanator?

I have very poor hand-eye coordinaton. As for why, I just can’t put my finger on it.

I named my child after you. My wife still thinks it’s an unconventional name though.