Category: wordplay

I was having an issue with people copying and pasting sensitive data at work, at first I didn’t know what to do but I’ve finally taken ctrl.

Mardy Fish has had to drop out of Wimbledon. He was arrested for battering his wife.

Well, the threat of Osama has finally Bin Laden down to rest.

There’s a new shop down my street that specializes in clothing for obese people. They have a wide range of everything.

My butler died of hearing loss. He walked through the valet of deaf.

Me and my mates have started leaving bombs next to the tills in corner shops. We’re a ‘Counter Terrorist Group’.

My mate can scale walls really fast but most people want plaster not fish skin.

My wife asked me to take down the blinds while I was up at the window. So I shot them both in the head, sending the guide dogs fleeing the scene.

Getting my cataracts removed really opened my eyes.

How do you make a dead baby float? One scoop of dead baby, one scoop of ice cream, and a pint of ginger ale.

My Dad had a stroke yesterday. He’s all right now.

If that emo kid next door doesn’t stop playing the drums, there’ll be serious repercussions.

My little sister asked me what she should get for unzipping. I told her a fiver was pretty reasonable. In the end though, she just used WinZip. And stopped talking to me.

Apparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery are disappointed by the results. Which is a bit odd, because most of them look pleasantly surprised.

The guy who lives on the farm next to me just put some strange metal wire around his field. For the last few days I just couldn’t put my finger on it, and when I finally did I was shocked!