Category: wordplay

The Mississippi was teased a lot in River School. All the other rivers would point and call it “Four I’s”.

I couldn’t believe it when I was sacked from my job as a crossword designer for being illiterate. Words fail me.

A police officer pulled me for speeding today. Not sure why, but he’s taking me out to dinner tomorrow night.

My computer asked me if I wanted it to remember the recent web pages I’d visited. I thought, “What’s the cache?”

My girlfriend and I ended up having the mother of all breakups last night, the underlying message being that my “sense of direction was causing huge problems in the relationship”. Eventually, tired and frustrated, I stood up, packed my things and right.

I went to the doctors today and as he looked at my file, he slowly looked up and said “well Mr Perry, the way the cookie crumbles is exactly the way your bones are, you have osteoporosis” It was at that point I broke down.

Muhammed Ali, he shakes like a vibrator and spills all his tea.

First day working as a pilot today. Got off to a flier.

Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

I chew through packets of bubblegum.

I was genuinely considering adopting an African kid the other day, before I remembered… I hate goats

Since winning the lottery,the amount of people I have caught swimming across my moat at my castle to try and come and ask me for money has been unbelievable. I cant believe the lengths some people will go to.

I remember my first date with my wife, we went to the airport. Then things just sort of took off from there.

My friend said to me ‘I caught a rabbit with a snare yesterday’ I though ‘Maybe he’s part of a band’

I’ve just seen a play about ‘Fly Fishing’. The cast was amazing.