Category: wordplay

My daughter wanted a rocking horse for her birthday but I could only find one that sings pop.

After leaving the pub I was driving through the countryside when a really cute deer ran in front of my car. I thought to myself “A few more beers and I’d hit that”.

Ive never hit my wife, In all fairness though it is a cheap gun

I said, “I quite fancy that girl over there” My mate said, “Go and ask her out”. I said, “Seriously?” He said, “No, wear a funny wig and do a stupid walk while you’re doing it”

I’ve just witnessed an argument between a shirt and a V-neck. It was top banter.

I’ve just sat through a five hour long seminar on how to make a hole. It was boring.

I fell out with my neighbour, who’s hard of hearing. I’ve been receiving deaf threats all week.

My wife’s cricket mad. When she was going to have our first kid she told me she wanted it to be something she’d never forget. So as the kid came out I grabbed it, swung it round my head, bowled it down the ward and knocked a nurse over. It was an astonishing delivery.

I hate to point fingers, but somebody stuck my hand in this pencil sharpener.

I was going to start a drilling business, but i had to give up on the hole thing.

I don’t approve of my girlfriend’s one night stand. Why should she be the only one with somewhere to put a bedside lamp.

My carpet caught fire yesterday, so I tried to stamp it out. It didn’t help, and cost me a fortune in stamps.

I told my mate I rode to work on a camel the other day. He said “I bet you got some stares?” I said “No I just jumped up as best I could.”

What was made of plastic and is no longer a danger to small children? A Woolworth’s carrier bag of course – what else?

Everton have a new coach for the rest of the season. Well not new exactly, but 700 quid for a 16 seater with alloy wheels is a good buy. Said Mr kenwright