Category: wordplay

I had a bit of a shock when I found out my parents had put an electric fence around their house.

I got sacked from my job at the clock factory. I just stood around making faces all day.

I got in the car with my drug dealer the other day. He drove around slowly, before picking up speed.

I needed some inspiration earlier. So I took a deep breath.

If got a self centred cat with a stutter. It’s all me-me-me-meow.

I congratulated a toilet cubicle earlier. It was recently engaged

Did you hear the story about the mechanic that thought he was a surgeon? It’s heart-wrenching stuff

What is the opposite of Imagination? I have no idea.

As soon as I was diagnosed with leprosy, the first thing I did was dump my girlfriend. I gave her the elbow.

My girlfriend finished me because I wasn’t a morning person. I said, ‘Well, at the end of the day…’

Went to go and see that new film about an adventurous biscuit. The Bourbon Supremacy.

My mate gets women by putting his hand in Archers and letting them lick it. They come running when he Schnapps his fingers.

I was in a lecture the other day falling asleep, when some guy shouted “Wake up!” I immediately awoke and carried on delivering my presentation.

The internet has become too politically correct. What’s all this nonsense about disabled cookies? In my day they were called broken biscuits.

A dispute broke out between me and the gang over the disposal of the murder wepon. but we buried the hatchet.