Category: wordplay

After just having both my hands amputated, i was trying to think what felt different. I just couldnt put my finger on it.

When I asked my wife why she had trouble sleeping, she said I wouldn’t understand about hormones. I understand perfectly. I cant get to sleep when that hormones.

Maybe the man was swinging the cat around, To check if there was enough room.

I was dragging my son around Asda earlier. I started with a dress, then finished on the make-up.

I bailed yet another mate out today and I’m sick of it. They either let me bat or bowl instead of wicketkeeping, or I wont play cricket with them anymore.

Sky News: ‘Gaza Aid Ship Arrives At Israeli Port’ I thought he was on the wagon, nevermind abroad.

I met this Jew the other day, we got into a theological debate. It turned out he really didn’t like other Jews at all, his family were all really stingy and he’d been abused by a rabbi as a child. We were getting on so well I plucked up the courage to ask him about […]

I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes. Things are looking up.

The Bank sent me a reminder,it said, “We havent recieved your last payment”, I wrote back and said,”Yes you have”.

A hand in the bird is worth two on the bush.

I tried going out with a faulty computer mouse once, but it just didn’t click.

I bought my girlfriend a surge protector for her birthday. She nearly blew a fuse.

I’ve got a brown paper bag, it really takes my breath away. Then gives me it back again.

My Geordie mate Kev was having a rant the other day, “I tell you what man, the next person I hear making insulting sterotypical remarks about us Geordie’s is gonna get stabbed in the eye!” “Why eye?” I asked

Mality mality mality mality. That’s the formalities over with