Category: transport

Just came home to find my flat in a total state. My TV is broken, there is debris lying all over the floor, and my wife has two black eyes and cuts on her face. She’s been playing Gran Turismo again.

Why did the woman cross the road? Because her husband had been wise enough not to let her drive.

My Mother-in-law stopped for a couple of hours yesterday. She still hasn’t worked out who has the right of way at a roundabout.

A policeman pulls over a man for speeding and after some discussion hands him a ticket for three points and a fine. The man wittily asks “is this a raffle ticket?” To which the policeman quickly replies “yeah sort of, four of those and you win a free bike”

Just spent ages waxing the car. Still not sure how it gets that hairy.

If stretch limos are so great why is it every time i drive past one someone is trying to climb out of the window?

A policeman pulled me over last night. He said, “You’ve clearly had too much to drink, what are you doing sitting behind the wheel?” I said, “Trying to reverse.” He said, “You should be sitting in the seat, please get off the dashboard and step out of the car.”

I’ve figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets; I’ve taken the windscreen wipers off my car.

“I don’t know why you always say I’m such a bad driver,” said my wife. “Everywhere I went today I had loads of men shouting ‘WOW’ as I drove past.” “Sorry love,” I explained patiently, “that wasn’t admiration: it was a warning. It stands for ‘Woman On Wheels’”.

What happens if you take a metal detector through another, bigger metal detector? Do they cancel each other out or does the universe just collapse on itself as they are two unities that shouldn’t ever touch

To say all Audi and Mercedes are so expensive, none of them come with indicators as standard.

GOT INTO CAMBRIDGE YESTERDAY!!!!!!!! Traffic’s usually quite bad this time of year.

My friend recently got an STI He really wanted a WRX, but the Subaru garage didn’t have any.

Took the missus on a round the world trip last year. I asked her where she wants to go this year and the stupid cow said, “Somewhere else” !

I was driving past one of those big electrical signs you get on motorways which read: This sign is not in use I thought ‘yes it is.’